What I've Learned.

My friend, Mark, asked me the other day if I just say yes to just anyone who asks me out or if I have a screening process. Of course I have a screening process, but when dating on the Internet, it is far from foolproof because you can only make decisions based on the information you are given by a stranger. Sometimes photos are outdated, and it's amazing how many people are missing teeth, and hello! hygiene is important in the dating world. Even horses have their teeth checked before a sale. (I know where your mind went because mine went there first, but I'm not looking for a man who is hung like a horse. Or one who says he is.)

I've learned that it's not always a good idea to even give out the phone number until after you've actually met. It's easy enough to communicate via messaging through whatever site you're on, and it saves on the annoying phone calls and texts should the guy turn out to be like my Fire Slave Dave or Paulution who sent long texts the next few days following that first and only date. Even if I think I might like them, I may wait to give them the number. That wasn't the case with the Aussie, though, because I was jonesing to hear his voice. All you can really do is play it by ear and then hope for the best. This may sound like a head game, but it goes both ways between the sexes. Make her wait for your number, too. I can't imagine what men are running into out there. I know someone who is trying to get a squatter out of his house after an Internet date and it's not looking too good for him right now. She threw him a sob story and he felt bad for her, let her stay the night and now she's been there for a few months and he can't get rid of her. Be cautious, as people are not what they seem.


Watch for warning signs, like the Manufacturing and Distribution guy who delivered pizza, he is still online, but now says he's a graphic artist with "some college". Last time I checked, it took a degree to work as a graphic artist, not just a few classes. Also, as cheesy as it sounds, check them out at the website adultfriendfinder.com. This is a site designed for finding a sex partner. You can create an anonymous profile, sans picture, and then check out the men in your area. You'll be shocked when you see so many of the same faces you see on the regular sites.


If I like the persons photo and it's NOT BEEFCAKE, I might send a simple email. One word. "Nice." Vain, muscle bound men take up too much space in the bathroom mirror, and I've even been carelessly moved/pushed out of the way so Kryptonite could see his massive arms. And, I know, I'm stereotyping, but they are usually out for sex and nothing else. Same thing goes for the women who are exposing their assets in their profile pictures. There's a better class of men who will hit on you when you look classy. I do love muscles, don't get me wrong. We all like a mate who is well put together, but I want to see how someone presents himself in the world, not in the bedroom. And the photos taken in the bathroom with your phone? Just don't. Please.

I'm not looking for Mr. Right, I'm looking for Mr. Right Now. My plan is not to find someone who is going to be a life-long companion, but rather someone I can count on tomorrow. Maybe an entire series of tomorrows, but I don't believe in soul mates. Kindred spirits? Yeah. That one I'll take.



MY DREAM MAN

*Smells nice, wears cologne

*Manscapes, nose hair is out of vogue. HYGEINE, boys!

*Doesn't have to be wildly handsome, but needs to take care of himself.

*Makes me laugh

*Can hold an intelligent conversation.

*Doesn't need to have money, but must have a job and be able to support himself.

*MUST have the balls to stand up to his mother and his ex-wife/ex-girlfriend and put them in place if they are out of line.

How I Know Mark

Maybe my dating difficulties go back even further than I thought. My teenage years were riddled with strangeness, too. Even the man I eventually married started out in an unusual way. I've met some fun and interesting people along the way, so I think I'll take a moment and go back in time.

The prom. He was senior class president and I was a lowly sophomore trying to fit in with his older friends. It rained that night and on the way home, he hit the median and blew out the tire. There we were in the pouring rain and wearing our finest garments yet to date and changing a tire. My father was a mechanic and had taught me to do so much in the way of taking care of cars and when the tire blew, this fellow couldn't figure out how to solve the problem. He looked ridiculous standing in the rain while a 98 pound teenage girl in high heels and a yellow dress assessed the situation.

Wasn't long after prom that I met Dan, the man I would marry. I was 16. We met on a blind date and I was the date of his best friend. The four of us, including my friend and his, spent many happy hours together as friends and companions. He and I always leading the pack as we were the outgoing ones of the foursome. Eventually, we all broke up. We became closer friends after that, but that was it. It wasn't until a few years later when we ran into each other that things took a romantic turn. Both people have to be in the same frame of mind. Timing is everything.

I was 19 by then, and for about a year, I had been having quite a nice time with an older man. Friends with benefits is what we were, and we were very friendly! We were both DJ's in our community and he also moonlighted at a 3.2 bar the area was famous for at the time. We had a nice arrangement for about a year before I disappeared without a trace. Dan came to the bar one night, and I never went back, and that was the last time Mark and I saw one another. I felt sorta bad about vanishing like that. 20 some odd years later I found him on classmates and dropped a line. We had a good laugh about it and now have a nice friendship.