Date Three: Kryptonite or Mount Everest?

Kryptonite has the capability to bring down Superman, and when I describe a man as Kryptonite it means that he has the capability to bring me to my knees and break my heart.  The term is not my own, however.  I owe it to my friend, Debbie. I liked it so much I stole it. Sorry. I  look at this one as my personal Mount Everest.  A challenge. Someone I can't conquer and it takes me about a year to get it through my head that I'm only a plaything in his eyes.

How we met is pretty funny.

I work in an emergency room as an admitting rep.  I'm the first person you see.  I get to see the blood, guts and vomit before the doctor and nurse.  Love my job.  I get your information and get you in the back to see the doctor.  Everest brought his grandfather in.  He arrived with his grandmother and aunt.  I got the grandfather registered using information Everest gave me.  I felt him looking at me while I worked and it made me smile.  It's been a few months since Youngun and I'm feeling more in control.  He's younger, too.  Meow.  Only eight years, instead of the ten with Youngun.  When he asks for my number I tell him I'm older than I look. Just to let him know.  In hindsight, I'd never say that now because if he's attracted enough to ask for the number, he's not too concerned about my age.  He says he prefers older women as they know what they want.  This seems to be a common thread that is going to reappear over and over again.  I give him the number and feel an evil grin spread across my face. 

Hmmm.  There seems to be a pattern developing here.  Younger men, older women. And it wasn't something I was expecting.  I've met three men and two are younger by quite a bit.  It's definitely unexpected. I figured when I started dating again it would be men who were my age or older.  I'm a little surprised that the younger ones are so interested.  I'm holding up well enough, but after the divorce, my self esteem took a major hit.  I'm always flattered when a younger man flirts with me.  

Everest leaves and Grandmother and Aunt are still inthe ER with Grandfather.  When it comes time for Gramps to leave, Auntie says she overheard Everest ask me for my number.  She hands me a business card with the name of a sex party business.  She's an independent contracter for a company who deals with sex toys.  She then hands me a small sample container with something labeled "Nipple Cream".  It was orange flavored.  She tells me it's his favorite.  Yikes.  Not sure I want to know how she knows that. 

He calls the next day.  He stops by my shop the day after that.  I'm exhausted from working my store during the day and the ER at night.  I don't have much free time and those minutes I do have are spent sleeping.  He pushes me to find time for him and I resist due to time constraints.  After a few weeks, I finaly get the shop closed for good and find myself with time for him.   He lives a couple streets away from where I do, making walking to my house very convienient.  He choses to do this rather than drive over.  That should have been a warning sign.  The part that I find troubling is that he's not married, but he feels he needs to hide me from view.  I'm now a secret.  

For months, this doesn't bother me.  We're both known in our community and he has a reputation of being 'a tool', as someone said to me the other day.  Just a sex toy, basically. I don't want to be linked up with him until I'm sure I've got a reliable place in his life.  A few friends know about us, and one in particular gives me hell about the relationship, rightly so, but he is like crack and I can't seem to stay away.  The chemistry is such I've never known before and I find myself spinning out of control and willing to accept being a dirty little secret in order to still have him in my life.  Why do women do this?  I know in my heart I deserve better than this , but the way I feel when we're together makes it seem worthwhile.  He looks at me with hungry eyes and makes me feel sensual and sexy.  I haven't felt that way in years and it feeds my ego in a way I can't explain.   I know he's bad for me, so I stay online looking for someone who is a better emotional fit.  Someone who will like me when I'm dressed just as much as they like me nekked.   My plan is to stick with Everest until either he straightens out, or I find someone nice, whichever comes first.