Date Twelve: The Stalker

This one scared me to death.  I changed so much about how I live after I met this one.  On my refrigerater is his business card with a note that reads, "If something should happen to me, start here. " 

Retired Air Force, divorced after 22 years, just like me.  I thought he sounded so normal!  He was a little pushy/persausive...same thing sometimes.  I'm an artist and I had a painting showing in the Liberace Museum.  I'd been going to events such as this alone for years and decided to take a date.  I invited him knowing I would be safe at an event with so many people around.

It went well and we decided to go to dinner at an Italian place in the Fashion Show Mall.  Great food.  Very nice.  Problem was his arms are around me and I can't use my silverware to eat.  He is snuggled into me in a way that borders inappropriate.  I can hardly move.  I tell him to back off, and he does.  Said he didn't realize how pushy he was being.  Other than that, I liked him a lot.

We went out 2 more times and things were quite nice.  The fourth date was dinner at my place.  I made it clear he was not staying the night and we were NOT playing house.  I was making a meal, we would eat and then go to a movie.  While I was washing dishes, he hid a toiletries bag in with my towels and I was completely unaware.  In the bag was cologne, shaving cream, razors, toothbrush and toothpaste.  I didn't find it right away, but when I did, you can count on me being pissed.  How presumptuious is that?

It was a few days later when I was putting clean towels away that I saw it. I knew right away when he had put it there.  He had taken my chihuahua, Gracie, out to pee and and brought this shit into my house thinking he was going to be spending the night.  I guess he was pretty surprised when he didn't even get a goodnight kiss.  

I didn't mention to him that I had found the bag.  I wanted him to mention it first.  I wrote an email and told him things were moving too fast for me and that I was not interested in taking the relationship any further.  He sent a text saying he had left things and he wanted them back.  I refused to met him or to allow him to come to my home to pick them up.  I demanded an address so I could mail the offensive bag to him. Days went by and he sent text after text.  He insulted me, swore at me and made me feel stupid for allowing him into my home so quickly.  My friends thought I was crazy for inviting him over for dinner after only the third date.  

The texting continued, he slept in front of my house, came by my job.  The messages were non-threatening, but disconcerting.  The timing of them bothered me as I knew he had to be at his job at 7 am, but he would text me when he knew I would be leaving work. He was getting up in the middle of the night to write.  Those texts made me think he might be waiting for me either at home or at my car.  Then, when I wouldn't respond to the texts he sent, he sent pictures of his unimpressive penis.  I find this really funny because if a woman gets annoyed with a man for not paying attention to her, the LAST thing she's going to do is take a picture of her privates and send it to him.  Take that, you bad man! Yeah, right.  Ain't gonna happen.  

400 texts in 2 weeks.  This was before I had unlimited text messaging.  $350 was the total for the phone bill.  The messages continued for months and months.  My fear level was at red alert and I became extremely cautious.  Fearful.  Nervous. My plan was to not respond to anything he did.  He finally sent the address and I mailed his stuff to him.  I had the address for the police should I need to give it to them.  I spoke to a cop friend who said to save every message should I need to file a restraining order.  Thankfully, I didn't have to do that.

By now it's December 26.  Barely.  Just a little after 1 am and he sends another message.  It had been a month since I had heard from him and I had really thought he was through.  I was relaxing in the tub when the phone alerted me to the message.  I started to cry as soon as I saw it was him.  Frustrated.  Angry.  So many emotions.  I sent a message.  "You have to stop."  That's all I said.  He wrote back imediately. " K."  A few minutes later he writes again.  "I was just trying to be friendly."  and to that I write, "don't be friendly, be invisible."

I haven't heard from him since, but I still jump at every sound.  Months of being on guard will do that to you.